Me too… I’m also a victim of domestic abuse, sexual harassment and mental torture. If you’ve seen any news in the past week or so, you must have come across the #metoo and have read a line or two regarding one of the biggest Hollywood scandals since Johnny Depp’s abuse of Amber Heard. Those news broke like a wildfire and each day, more and more women have decided to speak up and open up about something that’s unfortunately so common and have been for years, decades, centuries even “hidden” and not talked about as it was such a SHAME to be a victim of any kind of abuse… As if it would have been victim’s fault for being abused.
Me too… I have for all those years of my life just been silent, hiding my abuse, from the domestic one where I’ve had my head smashed against the wall, hit on the ground and beaten like an animal, to the sexual harassment in form of harsh remarks made about my looks or whatnot by random showinist strangers at my Summer jobs or bar nights out to the mental torture of those “in bigger power” than myself and making me feel so uncomfortable in my own skin that I have developed a serious case of anxiety, followed by a deep depression and finally to picking myself into pieces by shit talking to myself and hating myself… I felt like a speck of dust and a boxing bag at the same time… Invisible yet visible enough to use me as the target to release all of the unhappiness and uncomplishments of others on myself. Yes, me too…
The only “fault” I accept to be put on my account is the fact that I haven’t put a stop to any of this abuse any time sooner. My fault is that I haven’t learned to stand up and speak up for myself earlier than only now, when I’ve turned 30.
I won’t go into many details as it might be too revealing by whom and how I’ve been molested but I am happy and proud of myself that I have come to terms of what has happened to me, I have accepted it and I’m not letting my past and those horrible nightmares have power over me anymore. I’m not letting my molesters ever rule my right on happiness and the quality of life… I’m choosing a whole new approach to the next 30 years of my life. I’ll make them the most beautiful and self-loving years, the ones where I’m standing up for myself and for all those who would love to speak up but can’t because they’re too, either being ashamed, insecure or silenced down…
#metoo shouldn’t happen to anyone, but it does and unfortunately I know that it will keep on going in the future too but the more we speak up about everything that’s wrong in our society the less power those monsters will have to ruin something as sacred, innocent and beautiful as somebody’s pure soul and good heart. Don’t let others rule your world, KICK THEM in the ass by showing them that you too have teeth and strength to fight back! Fight for yourself, you are your best friend, you are going to live with yourself for the rest of your life each day, each second… Don’t live in the darkness and suffer alone because you’re not alone and together we’re all stronger to build a better world for our children (and future generations) to live in!
This blog post is my release from the inner prison, this is present to myself for my 30th birthday.
Happy birthday to me!