Stepping outside… Fresh, crisp Fall air hits my cheeks and the sunny, but cold rays of sunshine blindfold me for a moment as I start walking off into yet another day of 12-ish hours of breathing, living, moving, feeling, dreaming… Consciously, until I fall asleep and do all of that unconsciously. I believe that we never wake up, we’re always in the state of some kind of “Winter’s sleep”, just that our imagination runs wilder during the night as we’re sleeping.
So many times I’ve been through situations in life which made me say: “I wish this was all just a bad dream.” This October rang in with bad news for one of my closest friends and reminded me of, in general bad year that me and people I love have struggled with. When I was little, I used to think that if you’re a good person – good things happen to you, if you’re a bad person, bad things happen to you, simple as that.
Little did I know that good people have their hearts ripped open and suffer way much more often, than not. While we’re great in covering up what’s happening to us by standing incredibly strong, painting a smile over our faces, the darkness and sadness from the inside can’t be hidden, because the eyes are spitting them out bit by bit and only one good look into somebody’s eyes will tell you more than they could ever tell with words.
This October is my birthday month… It’s my last year as 20-something woman and next year, I’ll round up the “big” 3-0. I have no problems with numbers, they’re just silly numbers and if I’m planning to live until I’m 80, then I have about 51 more years to go and that’s a loooong time, but what does bug me about turing one year older each October is a question to myself if I’ve accomplished enough, learned and listened enough, traveled enough, cared and loved enough through that one year time…?!
I always get a little bit anxious thinking that another year goes by and I still don’t feel that I can say “YES” as an answer to all of these questions. I feel as if life is moving at such a fast pace that I can’t even keep up with and my heart wants so much, but too often unlucky circumstances stop me from being and doing where I want to be and what I want to do.
This October all I want for myself, my closest family and friends is to be able to put an end to the bad happenings, bad luck, bad year, bad dream… and be able to “wake up” next October and finally say that there was a change and that we did have the best year by far in our lives.
I want that that this October marks the moment when me and everyone I love will have it easier, will be able to travel more, listen and learn more, feel more, experience more, care, love and give more… I want to be unconsciously dreaming the best year of my life so that I can ultimately be the best person I can be and that I can accomplish my main “role” I’ve come for to this earth and that’s to live to inspire and make a change/ difference in people’s lives.
October files – yet to be written… here is the page nr 1, let’s do this…
- Thank you to SPALT PR Helsinki and Riikka