Turning back and forth in my bed… It’s the middle of the night, or some would say early in the morning. No matter what I’ve tried to do ( like count the invisible sheep village ), I just can’t get myself to fall asleep again. Nice! Only 4 hours of sleep, it will be a “fun” day of zombie like looks and low energy levels. I check my phone and it’s showing 4:30 am.
Oh well, what else should I do at 4:30 am? I could maybe check what’s that notification from FaceBook showing me that I got a message from my sister. The message reads that our uncle has passed away… Well, now def. I won’t be able to fall asleep so I got up and have decided to make some hot tea for myself. While the kettle was boiling my tea water, I couldn’t but just sit at the sofa and think… Think about life, death, birth and how fast things happen that we can’t even prepare ourselves for most of them. The kettle has already stopped boiling but I just couldn’t stop thinking about all of these thoughts and feelings that have been going through my mind and heart.
I have lost a contact with my now late uncle many years ago. There were some deep family issues which drew me to stay away from him and never speak to him again. It was for better for everybody, but I did get saddened about two months ago when I got to hear that he was fighting a cancer. Not long after those news I was being told that it was chest cancer that he was fighting and that it has rapidly progressed and he’s gonna have only couple of more months left to live.
As I have already mentioned in my previous posts, I will be going to Croatia for holidays and couple of times I had a thought of paying him a visit cross my mind. I guess I just wanted to tell him that I don’t hold any grudge towards him and that he can “go” in peace whenever is the time. Now, I’m not the only person that he made deeply sad or offended through all these years, but I know that it would have helped him on his deathbed to at least know that some of his closest relatives and family members forgive him for how he made us feel.
He died alone… In the same hospital in which his own mother passed away only couple of years ago. Scary story, but very much real. The reason why I wanted to write this kind of post is to remind you my dear people and at the same time remind myself that what you give out is what you get back, the way how you treat others is how you’ll be treated in the end… No matter what happens to you and no matter how many times you get hurt or “knocked” down, always get up, smile and be even kinder and nicer than before. World needs more of that. There’s so much hate and anger everywhere. People don’t even realise how all of that consumes them inside out. Then what happens is that people start to look for salvation at all the wrong places and among the “plastic” things than inside their own hearts and hearts of others.
We were all given the right to live, the right to breathe and do whatever we want, but we were not given the right to decide how long we can walk this earth and little do we know if tomorrow is our last day here!!
I def. got shook up a lot and the passing of my uncle made me re-think really hard how I’m living my life… Am I living the life that I want or that others want me to live? Am I really paying attention to everything and everybody around me or am I sometimes too much consumed into my phone, laptop and career plans?
Do I find enough of time to just be in the moment, be aware of the beauty that surrounds me? Who knows when is my time to end this journey?! I better from now on just live-breathe-eat-piss and shit my truth, my grace and LIVE life to the fullest.
“Dance like nobody’s watching, love like you’ll never get hurt, sing like there’s nobody listening and live like it’s heaven on earth.”
I’m wearing: Sandals – Gucci, Skirt – American Apparel, Blouse – Samuji, Bracelet – JCrew, Bag – Zara, Ring – House of Harlow 1960, Earrings – Chanel